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Whenever grandparents are quarrelling, if there is any substance in it, try to see whether the matter can be solved and acted upon. If there is no substance, just leave it. It is an old-age effect; but don’t tell them it is so!

Q: Devotees: Poojya Swamiji, our question is related to practical aspects in life. If elderly parents or grandparents quarrel among themselves in such a manner that it affects the harmony of the household, how should the other members handle the situation?

Swamiji: As you grow older, naturally you will start observing your parents and grandparents. You will come to understand their deficiencies, defects, etc. You should never condemn them or ridicule them. Instead, learn to avoid these defects in your own life.

Whenever grandparents are quarrelling, if there is any substance in it, try to see whether the matter can be solved and acted upon. If there is no substance, just leave it. It is an old-age effect; but don’t tell them it is so! Just leave it. Why should it disturb the harmony of the household?

Don’t you know that a house is meant for quarrelling also? Can you go to the neighbour’s house to quarrel? If people want to shout a little bit, should they not have the freedom to do so in their house? Should you always go on suppressing? Suppression is not good.

If the grandparents want to quarrel, give them time. Allow them to do so. Sometimes you may even ask them, in a lighter vein: “What has happened? Why have you not quarrelled for the past few days? Please quarrel.” Why don’t you say that? Make light of it. Well, they are quarrelling – what is wrong with it? Let them quarrel. You can also quarrel if you want! Join them. But your quarrel should not spoil your mind, that’s all.

I remember one instance: Some women were working on our haystack. I asked them: “Are your husbands given to alcohol?” “Yes.” “What do they do after taking liquor?” “They come home and start shouting. After that they come to beat us!”

“Are you not troubled?” One of them said: “Initially we felt troubled. I used to run around the house. After some time, he would get tired and go to sleep. I also would sleep. Initially it was a problem. Later on, it became fun.” (Swamiji laughs.)

So, I think it should become fun. Whatever it is, I think you should make light of it. That is the most important point. It should not cause any disharmony in the house at all. I think you should even consider it as a decoration for the house! Just think of it! Of course, if there are genuine causes for the quarrel, you can go into them and remove them.

– Vicharasethu – Feb 2008